Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
