I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
