My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
