I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
