thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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