I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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