He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
