I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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