I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
