if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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