We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Of course I have a pirate flag
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
