so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize