The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
