stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
