I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
