I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
