Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
