haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
