i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
