The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize