They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize