the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
