Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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