Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
