No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
