I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
