sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
