I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
