i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
