Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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