how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
