If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
