the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
