I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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