Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize