If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
