I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
