i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
