What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
