It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize