All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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