I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
where does the pee come out of this thing
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
