it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You smell like stripper and shame
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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