I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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