Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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