i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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