you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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