Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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