Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
