It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
