she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
