the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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