My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
