She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
