I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
do nipples grow back?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
