So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
