I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
