My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
