i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
