508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
