Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
