There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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