Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
