my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
