I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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