Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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