Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
