Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
