HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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