That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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