In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
