so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
