Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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