You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
