I love black thongs
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
