Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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