I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sobbing to NWA
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize