oh god the rape fog is back!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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