Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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