so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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