wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
