This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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