I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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