i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
