So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
