i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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