omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
