Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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