where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
