Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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